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Holiday party planning with John Middleton Merry |
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Ichiro
Newbie Joined: 25 Feb 2023 Location: HR Status: Offline Points: 10 |
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Posted: 25 Feb 2023 at 11:17am |
Recently, Phillies'
owner John Middleton met with team president Dave Dombrowski and general manager
Sam Fuld to plan out the team's holiday party. Thanks to my super-secret source
within the organization, I was able to obtain a transcript of their
conversation. And as my Christmas gift to the readers, I will share it with
you.Middleton: Dave, Sam, thanks for helping me with this. Last year's party
ended up being a huge hit, and I want to make sure this year goes even
further.Dombrowski: I'm going to make sure that happens. First thing we need is
a new Christmas tree. Sam, what are your people saying?Fuld: They say we need to
get a 20-foot tree.Middleton: Wait - we already have a tree!Dombrowski: We do,
but we don't have a 20-foot tree Bryce Harper
Jersey. The Mets have an 18-footer, so this is an opportunity to outdo
them.Middleton: They do?Fuld: They do. So do the Dodgers. I heard the Yankees
were also considering a 20-footer.Middleton: Well then, I guess we need one!
When it comes to trees, the bigger the better Photo by Tom Briglia/Getty Images
Dombrowski: Glad we're agreed. Now let's talk decorative animatronics. We've got
some good choices: Rudolph, lots of Santas, the Grinch...Middleton: Where are we
going to put these? It feels like they'd all be best positioned in one space,
but how many can we really fit?Dombrowski: We'll figure that out at some point.
Sam, what are your reports saying about the inflatables?Fuld: It looks like a
waving Santa is probably going to age the best out of all our options Luis Ortiz
Jersey.Dombrowski: Waving Santa it is! You think we need another?Fuld: It
wouldn't hurt. You can never have enough depth.Middleton: Whoa, wait a second. I
want a well decorated party as much as the next guy, but there is a limit to how
much we can spend on this. And we haven't even considered the taxes!Dombrowski:
Tax? Teams like the Pirates and Royals worry about the tax. Do you want to be
lumped in with teams like that?Middleton: Of course not, it's just-Dombrowski:
Good, I'm glad we're on the same page, because we haven't even gotten to the
entertainment. Sam, can you tell John what Mets are doing for their party?Fuld:
I heard they were getting Pentatonix to perform with a Cirque du Soleil show.
Pentatonix always puts on a great show Photo by: Ralph Bavaro/NBC/NBCU Photo
Bank via Getty Images Middleton: Pentatonix? I heard they were in San Francisco
https://www.shopthephillies.com/Alec_Bohm_Jersey-145.Fuld:
It sounds like they were going to go there but decided at the last minute that
they'd rather go to New York. And the Mets gave them a lot of money.Dombrowski:
See? That's commitment to having the best possible party. Now I'm not saying we
need to hire Mariah Carey, but if we don't make some effort to keep pace, then
last year's efforts are going to be quickly forgotten.Middleton: What about the
Braves? What do they have?Fuld: They signed Kelly Clarkson to a multi-year deal
to perform at their party for way below market value.Middleton: Kelly Clarkson?
How? And didn't they sign Michael Buble last year at a low cost?Fuld: Yes, we
can't quite determine why these stars are signing below-market deals with the
Braves.Middleton: Who can we get?Dombrowski: My scouts say that Gwen Stefani
would fit our vibe perfectly and would be a big hit in our clubhouse.Middleton:
I do like Gwen Stefani. How much does she cost though?Dombrowski: She's been in
negotiations with the Padres, but we've gotten indications that she'd actually
sing for us for less moneyMiddleton: Great!Dombrowski: It still isn't going to
be cheap though. Sam, what did her people say about our proposed 12-year
deal?Fuld: She's interested, and it would keep the annual cost down.Dombrowski:
See, John, we'd be saving money!Middleton: But 12 years? Won't she be rather old
by then? Will anyone still want to hear her sing a decade from now?Dombrowski:
With inflation being what it is, the cost won't seem that bad in a few years.
And we figure she can transition into more of a backup role by then with newer,
younger stars taking over the spotlight. Will people still enjoy Gwen Stefani in
12 years? Photo by: Trae Patton/NBC via Getty Images Middleton: But what if
newer stars don't emerge?Dombrowski: That will be a problem, but heck, we might
all be dead by then. I'll probably be in Nashville, and it will likely be Sam's
job to deal with.Fuld: I'm on it!Middleton: Sigh.. Chuck Klein
Jersey.fine, we have to keep up with the Mets and Braves. Let's get the deal
done with Gwen.Dombrowski: Terrific! This is going to make you very popular,
John.
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